01 July 2006

Doing the RIGHT Things at the WRONG Time

Have you ever noticed how some people would always want to do things by the book at the worse possible time and hinder progress? Yes, I can see those thought bubbles forming above your head now.

To put it in an easily understood scenario, think of it this way.

You are a soldier in a war zone, let's say somewhere like Hamburger Hill. You are a store man with an Infantry Regiment stationed with the HQ Company. On a particularly dry and hot day, a bunch of VC decided to come out from their little holes and play.

The VCs are ferocious, they attack in human waves, sacrificing men at the rate of 10 KIA to 1 kill. After thousands of VCs later, most of your unit's defenses have crumbled and it's down to HQ Company. There is no hiding now and no surrendering. After shooting up several thousands of VCs, you can only pray for a speedy death if captured.

You are in your trench, firing away at the approaching VCs, trying to hose as many down as possible before they reach your defensive line. You can see a new wave of VCs approaching from the tree line of what is left of the heavily motared forest. From your vantage at the top of the hill you ready yourself for the onslaught.

450m... Too far for your M16 to cause any real damage. Better conserve your fast depleting ammunitions.

400m... You grip your rifle barrel and start to take aim. Damn! The small frame of the VCs makes them a hard target to hit at long range without a scope.

350m... You start to make a mental note of the sequence of shots you are going to make to take down as many VCs as possible with minimum ammunition expended.

300m... "Plat.. Plat, plat, plat..." That all familiar sound of AK47 rings out from a distance. You line up your sights, ready to take a shot. Just as you are about to squeeze the trigger, you heard footsteps scuttling from behind and a huge heavy body crashes into your trench.

"Corporal Joe! What are you doing here!"

Damn it's your CQMS, or Company Quarter Master Sergeant, your direct supervisor. What the hell is he doing here instead of defending his area?

250m... You squeeze off a few rounds taking a few VCs down. Not fast enough though. You switch to full auto and start hosing the oncoming VCs.

"Corporal Joe, I expect you to give me your full attention when I am addressing you! DAMMITT!!!"

"I have to speak to you on urgent matters regarding our Company's acquisition of the new bullet proof jerry cans. As you are the assigned "Project Manager" I need to make it clear that a
s in all projects, we adhere to a procedure that comprises of comparative quotes, outline of scope of work by project manager assigned to the job. We would like to continue with this procedure and would appreciate if you could provide us with due documentation for our records and financial reporting purpose!!"

"So far I have not seen anything concrete in the project file. Can you please explain to me why you have not done the paperwork as instructed?"

200m... You coolly ignore the bothersome vermin ranting beside you. You have a good mind to put a bullet between his eyes if not for the thought that the bullet can possibly the difference between your life and the life of the VC charging at you. "Plat, plat, plat... Whizzz..." Damn, those AK shots are getting more intense and bullets flying closer.

"Corporal Joe, I expect an explanation from you immediately! Being in a hotzone attacked by thousands of VCs is still not good enough an excuse for you not to follow proper protocols and produce the required documentations!"

"Answer me, Corporal Joe!!! I deserve some respect!!! See, I got three chevrons and you got just two. That makes me your senior!! May I remind you that I've been doing this for 16 years; my experience is invaluable to this organization!!! I deserve some goddddddaaaammmmnnn respect from a pea-brained baboon, worthless piece of cow dung like you!!!"

150m... "Bang... Bang, bang!!!" Great! Some VCs just tripped over the claymores set up at the killing zone. "AMMO!!!" You need more bullets! "AMMO!!" You squeezed off another few precious round.

"Corporal Joe!!!
It seems apparent that you are not delighted to have to work with me on certain aspects (plat, plat, plat) you find my basic queries and process (bang, bang, bang) imposing and inhibiting?"

"In fact your tone and remarks (plat, plat, plat) have been personal and condescending on my duties and profession."

"If you feel that you are the integral part in the successes of (plat, plat, plat) in the past one year since you came on board, perhaps you like to recall that all event nitty gritty work that had to be worked on like databases for (plat, plat, plat) I was asked to do the ground first before you start your logistics development."

"Since you clearly indicated your preference not to deal with me, please let my boss or my senior be aware of this. I am an (bang, bang, bang) assigned to follow through the basic of these items, I will do what is required with due diligence; as indicated in your comments during (plat, plat, plat), you mentioned that I cannot pay the due diligence - I am now wondering what I am doing when I ask for specification of work from a (bang, bang, bang)."

100m... The VCs are still advancing despite heavy casualties. You can barely hear the CQ rant in between the sound of gunfire and explosion. Yet, you can feel his hog breath baring down on your neck. Surely this can't be happening to you. Fighting for your life and the lives of your comrades and having to deal with this talk about protocol, documentations, respect, etc, at the same time. This is the stuff nightmares are made of!!! In fact, you have a feeling CQ might just be Freddy in one of his Elm street masquerade.

"Corporal Joe!! I am done with you!!! In fact, I am recommending you for Court Martial for disrespecting me and for lack of proper documentation!!"

50m... You lobbed a few grenades at the VCs. Sick as it sounds, the moans and cries of the dying VCs, which can now be heard, brings you such pleasure. Hey, it's war, it's kill or be killed, right? "PLAT" You felt something hit your chest and fall over into your trench. The next thing you know, your buddy is over you and pressing down onto your chest. "Am I hit?" you asked. "Yeah, but you're gonna be fine. Here, hold this..." Your buddy placed your hand over the FAD over that gaping AK wound on your torso.

"Corporal Joe!!! Don’t you dare die on me!!! I am not done with you yet!!! You still owe me six jerry can caps that you lost during last months field exercise!!!”

“Here…” CQ magically whips out a ‘Lost Item Form’

“Sign here to agree to bare the cost for the replacement of the six jerry can caps!!!”

“And sign in the box!!! Don’t mess up my paperwork!!!”

25m… Although you can’t see what’s happening over the trench, you can already smell death coming at you. “Thud” you saw a VC grenade land right behind the hollering CQ. You can’t believe the last thing you see in your life would be of a fat old disgruntle sex starved geezer waving a form over your face…

War…

“Beware of the survival instinct when danger lurks in every corner. Who do you think you are, better watch your steps!!!"

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

A very interesting piece of translation from the crap Madame S wrote to you.

Pity there isn't anyone to lob a grenade at Madame S.