If you ask how I feel these days and the answer would be “Unhappy”.
“Why is that so?” you ask, “Look at you. You live in a first world country with a first world government. You have a nice home, you have wonderful parents, you have food on the table, you do not have fear if the water you just drank contained some radioactive elements.”
“You have a business degree. You should have no problem getting a job in just about any company, working in a nice clean office environment, no sweat or grime, full benefits and a nice paycheck to take home at the end of the month.”
“You should be dating an intelligent and beautiful woman with similar background and education. You should be thinking of settling down soon, you can afford your own home and you can afford to start a family.”
You tell me, “YOU SHOULD BE HAPPY!”
You cannot understand why a person in my shoes would be unhappy. Why would someone who seems to have his whole life and a bright future ahead be unhappy?
“So, tell me why? Why?” you sighed.
My answer is confounding - "I do not know the direction to the destination that I am searching for."
“What?”
I do not know the direction to the destination that I am searching for. I am still searching for that destination to strive towards and I am desperately looking for a direction. This is making me unhappy.
To most people, it may seem obvious what they should do after they finish their education. Just get a job, right? Either gets a job related to what one studied, or if times are bad, just get any job to survive. If you want to earn big bucks, there is nothing better for a 20 something than to do sales or account management.
Speaking of which, sales seems to be the profession of choice for one without any technical education (i.e. those without Engineering, IT, Designing background etc.). Everyone is a salesperson nowadays. Retail sales, Channel sales, Direct sales, Multi-level sales, G2G sales, B2B sales, you name it. Profit is what drives a business and the salesperson is king. Even the guy peddling vegetable in the market considers himself a sales professional.
Living in an environment like this and not having any technical skills and or professional qualification. It seems natural that I should be a salesperson. I am educated in how businesses function, I speak well, I have a pleasant disposition (well, most of the time), sales is THE job that pays the best for anyone with my background.
After my degree, I should aim to join a Fortune 500 company and work my way up from a sales executive (or accounts executive). I can start off with a $2000 monthly salary and if times are good, within two to three years, I can take home a $5000 paycheck every month. Not to mention, it is considered as one of the most rewarding and satisfying career one can embark on. So what is so bad about being a salesperson?
Well, it may seem the best job in the world for many of my peers. It may be a dream job for another. However, to me, sales, dealing with clients, strangers, being friendly and having to be able to muster up a chat in a blink of any eyelid are just about the least enjoyable things I have to do.
Firstly, I hate talking to strangers. Yes, I am capable of holding a conversation, I can interact and work with people in a team and I can joke and even be rowdy with friends. But that does not make me extroverted natural talkatoo, capable of 10,000 words per minute sales pitches. In fact, I hate to talk to strangers, I hate even to be in a place where there are many people around me.
I also hate it when the client I have to deal with is an ego-centric dumbass. You know what I am talking about. You may even have to deal with such people all the time. Some clients just want to make you feel horrid, feel used, feel like you owe it to them. They think that you have to accede to every of their request, just because they are the client. They demand that you give them everything and make you chase and beg for payment. I especially hate it when they harbor this attitude that every vendor is just out to cheat their money. Why don’t they come do my work and see if I am worth the money? Hey, I can bend backwards over, but how far can I bend? Bend backwards through my legs?
It is probably pure bad luck or that I am cursed, but in my three years as a freelance events organizer, I have only met one decent client. Just one client who pays reasonably for the work I have done. Just one who does not try to slash my quote to the extent where I am better off being a dishwasher. In three years, just this one client who genuinely appreciated that I have shouldered part of their workload and my efforts have benefited them. Just that one client, whom I am thankful for.
So there, me and sales. My utter distaste for being a salesperson. A job that everyone seems to think I should be able to do, to make a career of. A job that I know I do not enjoy and a career that I refuse to embark on. A decision that I am criticized for by friends and family. Not being a salesperson.
I do not have an answer to that. I do not have an answer to that and it's killing me.
I am unhappy.
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